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  “Hey Colin, guess you missed her. Can I leave her a message?”

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll catch up with her later.” He didn’t sound disappointed. “Actually maybe you could help me out. Are you busy?”

  “Not at the moment.” I sank onto the couch. What the heck would he want with me? Guys like him didn’t do things with girls like me.

  Then it dawned on me. My mouth formed an O and I closed my eyes. I remembered this conversation. I started it with him twenty or so years ago. He asked me for help and I, being a good doo bee, turned him down. Even if Misty were doing the horizontal mambo with some other dude, she and Colin were still—technically—an item, as were Bob and I.

  Of course, I’d never played hooky from work before. But could I say yes to Colin this time around?

  I couldn’t speak for a long moment. I pushed my hair back from my face and collapsed against the sofa. Was this the fork in the road?

  I really didn’t want to spend another lifetime with the same regrets, that I never tried anything a little dangerous, a little off the beaten path. Not that Colin likely had anything completely crazy in mind. The guy was an artist. A very sexy artist. He probably wanted me to wash his paintbrushes or something mundane like that.

  “Misty was supposed to pose for me.” Colin’s deep, smooth and sexy voice caressed my senses. If I hadn’t been sitting I think I would have melted into the living room carpet. It almost didn’t matter what he said. “But apparently she’s forgotten. Again. I have a deadline. Maybe you could pose instead?”

  A little warning light went on in my head.

  Pose? What kind of pose? I’d seen Colin’s work. The guy had a talent for art. Not for that strange modern art stuff my professors pushed on us in college, but actual, honest to gosh art I not only recognized, but also admired.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be fully clothed.” Colin laughed. Damn, the man could read my mind. Embarrassed heat flooded my cheeks. “Actually I want to go up to the Eastern Prom.”

  Eastern Prom. Not too far away from my place of business. But what was the chance of someone from work recognizing me?

  An invisible fist tightened in my belly. I remembered the same horrible, crawling sensation from the past, when I’d tried so hard to impress Tammy. And Bob for that matter. Anxiety.

  The fear of letting someone down.

  I shoved that apprehension aside, harnessed my inner director and accepted.

  We agreed to meet an hour later at the Prom by the bow of the ship memorial. I would wear a summery dress.

  What the hell am I doing?

  Crazed butterflies took over my stomach. I never posed for anything before in my life. I avoided posing for photographs whenever possible. Posing for a painter would involve staying still.

  I shoved my misgivings away along with all the other questions about this surreal turn in my life. Better to not to think of them, because if I did, Sarah would find me huddled in the corner of my room drooling. Then they’d take me off to the mental ward where I’d be put away forever.

  No, best to play this fantasy out and see where it took me. At least my surroundings were familiar. Imagine my horror if I’d been transported into the body of someone else in a place where English wasn’t spoken. No, here I knew. I could walk down the street with comfort. That knowledge grounded me.

  I showered quickly and to my bedroom where I could only grimace at the contents of my closet.

  Summery dress.

  I didn’t need an excellent memory to know I didn’t have any summer dresses. I found plenty of plain, sensible pants, skirts and tops. My Tammy Hewitt wanna-be outfits reminded me of my pathetic devotion.

  I shoved coat hangers aside anyway, went from one side of my closet to another, desperation mixing with disgust. Nothing here would qualify for summery or dreamy. The dreamy was my description, not Colin’s. He did briefly tell me what he wanted to capture with this piece. I filled in the rest. Of course, I didn’t have the appropriate garment for his painting.

  So I’d have to go out and buy one.

  Misty and her mystery man lingered in the kitchen. Wearing little more than a handkerchief of a nightie, my roommate leaned against her man as he gazed into the fridge. His bare torso screamed “jock” and his USM shorts hugged his butt.

  He looked over at me and grinned, giving me a wave. Misty ignored me, but smiled indulgently at him. She liked the big jocks. The dumber the better. Which meant her and Colin made no sense whatsoever.

  I gave the hunk a tight smile. Didn’t care. Wasn’t my business. Misty was a big girl and certainly old enough to take care of herself. I chuckled. She’d marry one of those buff jocks one day and he’d develop a beer gut the size of a nine month pregnant belly, lose his hair and his jobs at about the same rate.

  But I wasn’t going to be catty.

  I said goodbye and left her and Beefcakes to themselves. I had to hurry to the Old Port and the little second hand shop that would no doubt yield the exact dress I needed.

  Twenty minutes later, I left the shop and swished my way up to Congress Street then up Munjoy Hill. The hike wore me out but when I reached the Prom, the cool air coming off the Bay instantly relieved my overheated body. I hadn’t done a walk like that in years and it invigorated me.

  To have the time to get out and stretch my legs was worth skipping work. I’d have to do it more often. Though somewhat busy now, the Prom would be bustling with picnickers by noon. I wondered what Colin had in mind for a location, away from the entire normal hullabaloo.

  He arrived and birds sang.

  Okay, they were seagulls and they weren’t exactly singing, but Colin inspired those thoughts from me anyway. I’d been jittery, and lightheaded pretty much all day, and this moment was no different. Except this edginess had totally different reasons. These were pleasant butterflies instead of anxious ones.

  I remember now why I turned him down the “first” time he asked me if I could help him out. The guy had Hollywood good looks with the bluest eyes I’d ever seen and a tall, lanky build. He’d pulled shaggy hair back into a ponytail as careless as the paint splattered jeans and baseball shirt he wore. I never dated a guy like him. Not that I’d call this a date, but still, he and I didn’t run in the same circles and it felt a little exciting.

  Playing hooky and hanging out with a talented artist all in one day. Oh yeah, and jumping back over twenty years in time. Pretty freaky.

  But here I stood, living a moment I turned down the first time. I straightened and told myself to make the most of it. Tomorrow I could be forty-four again, so should this be a one shot deal then I had to live it to the fullest.

  “Hey there, Lila.” Colin waved.

  I smiled back at him with my best flirty, light-hearted grin, but I probably looked more like a fool.

  “Hi.” I strolled up to meet him, suddenly tongue-tied. Damn. If I’d been more like Misty he’d be wound around my little finger by now. Yeah, she moved that quickly.

  Colin didn’t seem to mind. His eyes weren’t on me anyway. He cased the place, searching for the perfect spot to draw me, I guess. I didn’t think he had any of his paints with him, or a canvas in the small leather bag slung over his shoulder.

  “I’m just going to sketch this out today. Over there, I guess.”

  I followed him over to an area void of any other humans. He studied the spot, swung his gaze over to look at the water, over to me, and back to the spot.

  “Yeah, I guess this will do. Sit down. Kind of recline on one arm and look out at the water.”

  I did what he asked. I wanted to look at him, but forced my gaze out to Casco Bay. “Is this okay?”

  “Hmm. Yeah, fine. Just hold it. No, tip your head a little to the left. Good.”

  Oh, my God. How long would I have to sit like this? His pencil scribbled away on the paper in quick strokes. As the minutes crawled, the tingle in my arms raged and my neck ached.

  Be strong.

  The only way I could bear the di
scomfort was to remember who sketched me. I didn’t want to wimp out by collapsing on the grass. Calm, cool. That’s what I wanted to be.

  This time around.

  As I sat there, in mild pain and discomfort, I realized how much I could do differently this time. I mean really different. I could totally reconstruct myself. A small smile drew my lips back and I glanced over at Colin, imagined him kissing me. The thought of his lips on mine sent those delicious tingles all through my body. I bet he knew how to kiss.

  “Nearly done.” His voice cut into my personal fantasy, but I didn’t mind. Getting hot and bothered on the Eastern Prom probably wasn’t the best idea. There were too many people around for that kind of game of make believe.

  Thank God. This reconstruction of a new me would start by joining a gym. Or at least I planned to lift a weight or two. Why hadn’t I noticed how out of shape I’d been back then? Oh, yeah, my budding career stole all my time.

  “Okay, relax.”

  I fell back into the grass and stared up at the sky, a smile on my face. Relax? Sure, I could relax all day. My tension soaked into the grass beneath me. I inhaled and held the briny air in my lungs. I hadn’t smelled anything so fantastic in years. I didn’t ever want to move. I wanted to lie here and gaze as the sky went from powder blue, to twilight purple and right into darkness filled with a blanket of stars. Maybe if I were lucky Colin would join me.

  Luck steered clear of me. In fact things went from sublime to ridiculous before I could even consider asking Colin over.

  “Lila Shelton, you’re fired.”

  All that tension I thought I’d gotten rid of tightened every muscle of my body again. I leapt to my feet. I’d been caught. As an HR person I knew the fatality of those two words.

  Arms across her chest and looking like an exasperated schoolteacher, Tammy Hewitt towered over me like an angry giant. Tammy, my uptight boss who absolutely never took lunch breaks and wasn’t the type to take a stroll on the Prom. Her dedication to her job both annoyed and amazed me back then. Oh God. I turned into her. Well, my forty-four year old self turned out to be like her. These truths grew uglier the more I uncovered. Inwardly, I groaned.

  Fate really messed with my head today.

  “Tammy,” I choked out and brushed some grass off my dress. I had no defense. She caught me and nothing in the world could get me out of this.

  “I can’t believe this.” Tammy’s knife sharp voice sliced, but her narrowed glare cut me deeper. Instinctively my gaze shifted down to my bare feet. I couldn’t look into those cold gray depths with the knowledge of how badly I screwed up.

  “I thought you were better than this.” And then she went on and on about how I let her down, how she always believed I had a future. Now I was a huge disappointment and wasted so much of her time grooming me.

  Grooming me?

  Jaw tight, I finally met her steely gaze. Her admission creeped me out just a little bit. Tiny spider-like prickles crawled up my back no matter how I tried to mentally shake them off. It only took a few years under her thumb to figure out she’d been preparing me for something bigger.

  I didn’t complain. I appreciated learning all the little tricks of the trade. But her sky-high expectations added to the weight on my shoulders. If I couldn’t handle what she asked she made me feel like a failure with her crushing look and severe criticisms. Like right now.

  Except I wasn’t quite the greenhorn I’d been “back then.” I wouldn’t crumble.

  Yet if not for Tammy I don’t think I would have attained the success I knew in my older life. I had to give her some respect, particularly since I crashed her high expectations.

  “I’ll have your things packed into a box. You can pick them up at the front desk at four-fifty-five.” She issued the order in a withering tone and dismissed me with one long look down her nose. Disappointment and trepidation filled me like a heavy, cold liquid. I clenched my fists and started to open my mouth to say something—anything to stop her from canning me. I had the strength in me now to fight for another chance.

  But I remained silent. I bit my lip and took in a deep breath through my nose. The sea air refreshed me, invigorated me and at that moment I let my future in the big world of HR possibly slip away.

  So that settled everything. Tammy stalked away, her back straight, the same ponytail she’d worn every day for two years bobbing against her neck.

  And I could only conjure up a sliver of regret.

  “Wow, she needs a vacation.” Colin’s voice was overly light as he packed up his gear.

  I shot him a look of disbelief. Easy for him to be so cavalier. I’d just tossed my future away because my damned hormones couldn’t resist Colin’s silky voice and to-die-for looks. I wanted to kick him in the ass, my anger at his comment flared hot, then cooled.

  I couldn’t blame him. He had no clue I was supposed to be on my deathbed today. No, the fault totally lay at my feet and I’d have to deal with the consequences. That meant unemployment and job hunting. Despite the fact I wanted this new beginning, starting out again would be a pain in the butt.

  I rubbed my neck. The tension returned and held my muscles in a death grip

  Colin stood, slung his bag over his shoulder, walked over to me and held his hand out. “Come on, let’s get a coffee. It’s the least I can do for getting you canned.”

  I took hold of his hand and a painless but electric jolt shot through my whole body. Potent, bizarre and so powerful it almost sent me rolling down the hill toward the Bay. In the shimmering, glowing vision before me he and I were in an embrace, kissing. No, nothing so tepid as kissing. Passion engulfed me, burned me up, and drowned my brain with its force. Soaring lust swept me up into the sky. Total and complete desire sizzled with each touch.

  Danger sizzled too. This man kissing me was a bad boy Colin, not the Colin I knew. I liked it though. Adrenaline rushed through me, heating me up, threatening to burn me to cinders. I should have pulled away. This kind of hunger would bring nothing but trouble.

  But who wanted to turn from passion as hot as this? The kind I never feel with Bob.

  As crazy as it sounded, this sexy vision might as well have been real. I might as well have been cheating on Bob with this fantasy. Excitement, danger, and a good dash of shame mixed together. I wanted it to go on, but this new aspect of my crazy day scared me too much.

  I snatched my hand away from Colin’s, breaking the hallucination and rubbed it against my hip as if to remove the emotions that garbled my brain, and dissipate the sparks from his imaginary lovemaking. Make believe, nothing more and nothing could change that. Guys like Colin didn’t leave girls like Misty for likes of me. Of course I didn’t want to let him know Misty found a bit of recreation elsewhere. All a part of Misty’s M.O. Colin would be the latest casualty. A flicker of hope sprung from my momentary brush with reality. Maybe he’d turn to me if Misty cast him aside.

  If it weren’t for my future with Bob maybe I could mend Colin’s soon to be broken heart.

  I recalled the flash, the passion contained in the one quick image and feeling. What was that? Another rip in my fabric of time? Something that could be? That would be?

  A part of me wanted to reach out and touch him again, find out if the jolt would be repeated, but by the look on his face, the half-smile, the hooded eyes, I really didn’t think he shared the same experience.

  A dull ache thudded against my temples. My brain was close to overload. I’d take advantage of Colin’s offer of coffee, then go home, climb under the covers, wake up and be forty-four again. Believe it or not, things were much simpler at forty-four. I knew what to expect.

  We gave up on the idea of coffee and opted instead for nachos at a little smoke-filled dive bar on Commercial Street. Despite the scarred Formica table we sat at or the distinct odor of stale beer, nachos in this bar were a better solution to my problems than hiding under blankets.

  Colin did his best to make me laugh. The Colin who sat across from me wasn’t anything like m
y fantasy. This guy was the Colin I knew, the beautiful, sensitive artist with the Monty Python sense of humor. I appreciated his efforts to make me forget what happened up on the Prom.

  He was totally wasted on Misty. Whenever I looked into those eyes of his I recalled the flash. Was this little message from fate? Was Colin meant to be the love of my life and I’d been presented with a chance to “put things right” and not get with Bob?

  At three p.m. we said goodbye. When he reached out to shake my hand, I held my breath in anticipation, waiting for that zing, but got nothing. Interesting. The lack of a flash left me deflated, but there was no figuring these incidents out. They were going to come whenever they felt like it, with no warning.

  Less than two hours remained before my walk of shame to my office to reclaim my belongings. With no one to hide from now, I wandered the Old Port. I loved that area of town. Each shop and pub brought back memories of browsing, and wishing I could afford the little trinkets I liked.

  And bar hopping with friends until all hours. Dancing. Eating pizza. I really loved those years. These years. They'd passed too quickly the first time. This time I’d cherish every sight and smell.

  When it was finally time to go to the charter boat tour office, three bags were slung over my arm. A little self-indulgence. I remembered the tiny vintage shop tucked away on Exchange Street. I loved to browse in there, but had to be careful with my money so I generally left empty-handed. Today I came out with a cute pair of shoes and a blouse. I went into a gem shop and bought a small, lemon topaz pendant on a long silver chain and then finally to a second hand music store and bought a Beatles album, chuckling to myself that in a few years time CD’s were going to be taking over the music world. Right now it was all about albums and cassettes.

  I continued my literal trip down Memory Lane by wandering up to Tommy’s Park. I sat down and looked across Market Street and smiled. My very first apartment, during the summer between my junior and senior year in college, was in that big old brick building. How I loved our tiny two-bedroom unit with the huge windows and the kitchen that was so narrow it could only accommodate one person at a time.